Thwarting the pigs

This blog post is a sequel to “The Pigs are Coming,” June, 2017

Mama and her little sow (a sowlette?) were the first beasts enticed by the mashed lilikoi/avocado bait laced with macadamian nuts that Jeff set out in an extremely durable metal cage. So intrigued that they were led by their tummies and ignored the conspicuous metal webbing of the cage and gobbled up the entree and tripped the wire set to ensure their permanent residency, which is my way of saying that they were trapped.

Two down, how many to go? Our first pig, who became known as Mama, had beautiful brown eyes and weighed approximately 130 pounds, according to our expert pig catcher. As Carolynn, my exercise classmate who recommended Jeff’s deft services, could tell from my texts, I was growing attached to her and enjoyed watching her cuddle up with her daughter who probably weighed about 90 pounds, and eventually fit nicely, legs tied, into a burlap sack.

To say they retired from their trade kicking and screaming would be quite accurate. Jeff had a system: he lassoed the imprisoned pigs and squeezed the rope tight enough to knock the wind out of the uninvited visitors, and tied their legs together. Then after he stepped on them,  an ex-marine with mighty strength, they were helplessly stuffed in the back of his truck for a new adventure.

Did I mention that I was falling for Mama until Jeff reminded me that she wasn’t home knitting while our irrigation system was disastrously re-engineered, our banana trees were crudely stripped for the water inside, and our citrus fruits were piggishly sampled… she was in on the deal too. I abandoned my plan to tame her and make her our new pet, a big pet.

Back to the count: number three was a big boar, you could say. Four was a well-coordinated sow; five was a very feisty young boar who we originally thought was a very energetic female given her exposed nipples. Jeff suggested we read up on the birds and bees to help recognize the alternate genders. Maybe some you tubes…

So we believed we’d caught all our invaders, which were costing us $40 a piece, not to mention Jeff’s weekly stipend, and could kiss off the amazingly sturdy cage that our master hunter had engineered.  But the very morning he was due to remove it — just as he we were winding up our driveway on our way for a swim at Kukio beach, we saw another black beast circling the enclosure. It seemed a bit tentative as to whether the nuts and fruit were worth the risk, but by the time we got back, we found Jeff wrestling with an oh so smelly, drooling boar. Bill took mug shots of each of the undesirable visitors and I haven’t quite decided whether to use them as my featured image or not.  Your thoughts?

So the battle’s over now. Six pigs captured and escorted to a new life, where the appeal of irrigation hoses and free fruit has been forgotten. The cage is gone, but Jeff assures us that we’ll be calling him again in a few months or so. They know the way.