Currently Browsing: Humor

No Sweat

No Sweat
I’m thinking of starting a gym for people who bend backwards not to perspire during work-outs. (You know, of course, that bending backwards is not a medically approved method for keeping dry…) I envision a gym for people who don’t bring towels in their duffle bags and who take enormous pride in their under-active sweat glands. A place for gym attendees who stand tall knowing that they leave behind no traces of residue on the machines they’ve visited. A work-out site for those of us who’ve done our best to avoid the company of “wet wipers,” the wretched...
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Pig theory

Pig theory
We’ve just tallied a record-setting sum of nine almost familiar entrapped pigs this season. We can see that  these invaders come in three  or more basic sizes: huge males, almost as huge males, and an occasional medium-sized sow. Breaking a recent tradition of grand sized pigs , however, our most recent catch had ample room to frolic in the cage. He was a medium-sized male, and the noisiest to date. We were told that he’d  probably tip the scale at a modest 100 pounds, less robust than the last two boars who who were well on their way to 150 pounds, if not more. When we asked a few times...
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Amazon is not just a river

Amazon is not just a river
I never bought much online when I lived on the mainland.  Not one single thing in my 20’s in New York or during my four years in Pennsylvania. That’s when Amazon was still known best as a long river, not far from the Selym River (family joke). I just checked the date: and Amazon.com was incorporated July 5th, 1994, in Seattle, not that far from where I once lived in Beaverton, Oregon…  but very, very far from the second longest river in the world. Take note that there was some name changing that took place — the original name for Amazon was Cadabra, Inc. which got dropped...
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Hogging the middle lane

Hogging the middle lane
Uncommonly uncoordinated, I have immense admiration for the women upstairs at the gym who contort themselves in unimaginable stretches, as I meekly press forward on machines. I’m racing against time with uncooperative muscles that won’t get me on a train I could miss. Lately, I’ve developed a curious habit of trying to guess how old these athletic apprentices are. One woman who looks like she could easily join the Rockettes or at least pass the entrance exam, told me she was 25. Ah, to be 25 again. But even when I was 25 and joined the tennis crowd high in the sky in New York, I...
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Upstairs, Downstairs in the nicest gym

Upstairs, Downstairs in the nicest gym
My old gym in Oregon was, you could say, ranch-style. Exercise machines, stretch areas, refreshments, and a swimming pool set on one expansive level. It’s different here at my gym. We have two floors, and one can only be inhabited by women, with occasional brief visits by Alex, the owner’s wonderful younger brother, who helps us all out. The women’s floor is on top, with machines, stretch areas, and lots of chit chat. Downstairs, where men dabble with the free weights, we also have our Silver and Fit classes, which aren’t nearly as old ladyish as their name implies. Here we work...
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